Saturday update

I have cried so much the past 2 days. I feel I cannot go on watching Preston suffer. He is being moved back in PICU tonight. They feel the episodes of his whole body trembling, moaning, writhing etc., are seizures. His heart rate went up to 184 this afternooon while having one and he was almost in respiratory distress and his O2 sats were down in the 70's with oxygen on. I felt all along he was having seizures, but what does mama know??? So right now they are giving him ativan which helps with nerves and seizures. The PICU drs. are trying to figure out what to do for the seizures, and want to be able to watch him more closely. My heart is so broken over all he has suffered. He had another external shunt put in this a.m. because his other one fell out. It had partially come out and the dr. put it back in without sedating him and it must have been so painful because he had a seizure. It started to work, then by 6:30 a.m. it was only hanging in his head barely and he had to have surgery. But they did not fully put him to sleep. They didn't want to have to put him on the respirator again, and the hole for the external shunt to go into was already there. They sedated him, but I don't know how much pain he actually felt. Where will this all end? I am asking God again to please take him to Heaven. No mother wants to lose her only son and oldest child, or any child for that matter, but no mother wants to watch him suffer day after day and he is worse off by far than when he went in there.

Missie left today and is in NC with friends and they are leaving Monday for Knoxville youth camp. I really didn't want her to leave right now, but Junior felt it would be the best thing for her. If she has to come early, they will bring her back.

I am home and Jr. wants me to try and get a good night's rest. I am so exhausted. I don't know if I will sleep much or not, but I will try and go back over in a.m. I am not sure if I have shared this or not, but Jr. and I have decided and it is in Preston's chart, that he is not full code any longer. If his heart stops they will not shock him or use the paddles. If his heart is ok and he just needs help breathing, he can be put on the respirator. But if things do not improve we can always take him back off. We feel we must do this. Preston and I have talked about it and he never wanted to be on kidney dialysis or on life support. We don't want to prolong his agony.

Thanks for all your prayers, please continue to pray for us.