Beautiful Valley

"In this beautiful valley that He's put me in,
I'm learning to trust and draw strength from Him.
I'll not despise the lessons he gives,
For in this beautiful valley, I'm learning to live."

"The shadows around me, can't hide the Son,
Or hold back the dawning, of a new day that's come.
Jesus will hold me, 'til my trials are done,
And He'll ever be with me, 'til the testing is done.

When there's a lesson for learning, He'll take you aside,
To walk in the valley, but He'll be by your side.
Upon the mountain, sweet blessing He gives,
But down in the valley is where we learn to live."

I was looking through some of my many song books and found this song. I haven't heard it for years, but it is pretty much the story of my life.

Having a sick or special needs child, is the valley God has chosen for Junior and I. Why? I don't know; maybe because He knew we would give this special child the upmost care, love, and Christian training. I never would have thought I could have handled it; but I have for 19 1/2 years. I have questioned God about it. We were in the Lord's work and I loved it!!! I am more of a people person than Junior, but I did a lot of the interacting with people, and Junior preached. He did visit, don't get me wrong, but I visited and helped people a lot. Due to Preston's illness, we had to leave the ministry, as it put such a strain on Junior and I's emotions, body, etc., and we didn't have enough to go around of ourselves for our own family which included Preston and for others whom we pastored. Now we are being ministered too. This last long illness of Preston's is the only time we have had a church behind us, to support us in every way, and it proved to be such a blessing. Our pastor, Bro. Terry Going, and our people, stood with us during this long hospital stay, and still are praying for us, and what a blessing. We have had to accept the fact that we will probably never be in the ministry again. But next to God, we have to take care of ourselves as a family, and Preston is part of that family. Missie has very different needs and we have to care for her as well. Right now she is gone to youth retreat, and was soooo excited she could hardly stand it. If it wasn't for Easley Bible Methodist Church, she might not have gotten to go. But they paid the way for our youth to go and that is another blessing. I remember Jennifer (Hester) Going telling in Curtis' and her service at our church, that youth camp had helped her spiritually so much. Missie needs that extra boost, and to be with other young people of like faith. I cannot wait to hear all about it when she gets home. She needs to go to school. It is scary to think we have to leave everything here and move to another state, but we feel it literally means the salvation of her mind of and soul to be in a holiness school. I just have to say we have tried Baptist schools, and the last one just about did Missie in. They wanted to prove to me that Christians lie, and it all boils down to the damning doctrine of the sinning religion. Missie kept telling them over and over she was not guilty, and they kept trying to get her to say she was. I know she wasn't guilty, but I was involved in the whole situation with another student's mom, so I know! I cannot send her to a school that believes you can do anything, wear anything, look anyway and still be a Christian. And whether everyone agrees or not, the standards of these schools rub off on our holiness children. It has proven to be true. I said all of that to say this. If we want Missie to continue in the holiness way, we have to move. I know God is in control and will lead and guide us. After the New Year, Junior will be looking into jobs in PA, close to Penn View. There is a possibility of our moving to NC if he cannot get a job in PA. We have friends in NC close to a holiness school whom Jr. can work for, and the weather would be much the same as here, which we would like. But PA is Missie's first choice and ours as well, as she can go right on into Bible College after high school. Please help us pray God will open the right doors. He is able. But Missie cannot be put on the back burner because of all of Preston's problems. We have 2 very different children with very different needs, and that is a challenge. But Preston's illness and his qualifying for a nurse's aide in our home, frees up some time for me to take Missie places and do things with her. We are both enjoying that so much. But it is not enough. She needs young people her age to be with, too.

So that is my update. I feel I am starting to feel a little more normal or seeing a bit of light at the end of my tunnel. Not only is it taking Preston months to recover from it all, but it is taking time for us ALL to recover and I am so glad God knows about it all, and is helping.

Preston is getting much better about his walking! If he doesn't think about it, and is talking to me or something, he will be walking right along but when he thinks about it he gets nervous of falling and wants us to hold on to him. I have to post a picture I took last night of him and Jr. coming out of the bathroom, where he had a hold of Jr.'s suspenders.

You all keep holding us up in prayer.

Exciting News!

Preston has walked independantly today!!! He walked in the bathroom from commode to sink, which is not far at all, as we really have a small bathroom. But then he walked out the bathroom door into the living room and to his bedroom door. Without any help!!! He then walked in front of his desk to his hospital bed, turned around and sat down on it. He is steadily improving now, especially since we got him the cane. But the walking from the bathroom to his room was without the cane.

Last night we heard a tremendous message on being lukewarm. To be honest, I guess I feel that way. It is more like a feeling of numbness inside. Have you ever felt numb to where you feel like you can't feel anything?? I think it is fibromyalgia fatigue, discouragement, mental and physical exhaustion from all that has happened since April 30th. One church we went to used to sing a chorus, "I never got tired yet, I never got tired yet; way down in the bottom of my heart, I never got tired yet." I am not sure I can sing that. I guess I am just so tired of fighting the battles year after year. Is that ok to feel that way? It has been a long hard road, and I think it is just now catching up with me. It is just to the point in my life (maybe because I am 50 now???) that I cannot push myself any longer. Maybe when I get rested out I will feel differently. Right now, I can only seemingly do what is necessary in my home and for my family, and that is it. I cannot reach out much to anyone else, or do anything for my church; cannot even attend all the services. I just wonder how long it will be this way. I know having a sick child for 19 1/2 years has taken its toll. And I am not getting any younger. And I have fibromyalgia. I have to take all of that into consideration. Just wanted to share my heart.

No pictures

For some reason, I cannot post any pictures, so can't get a picture on here of Preston sitting outside yesterday.

Anyhow, I wanted to share something cute that Preston said the other day. I have a frame in the shape of the a school and you put one picture in for every year for 12 years. Well, he has 11 pictures in it, and this year will be the last picture for me to add. I told him I had one more picture to add, and he said, "that will be the end of me." I thought that was so cute and quite smart as well! I am thankful for his sense of humor.

We received a HUGE compliment at church tonight. Joy James was talking to Preston when Jr. and I walked up to him after church. People at the hospital are constantly asking her about him, and how we are doing. Anyhow, she said that we take such good care of him. She said she was telling someone that every since he has been born and had a lot of illness, that we have always taken care of him like it was what we were supposed to do. I told her some in both families don't agree with us taking care of him, but that he was our child and not their's. Anyhow, it was a great compliment that she paid us. We do try to take care of him. I told her we get very tired. But as long as we can; we will continue to do what we are doing.

Missie has decided she wants to go to youth retreat. So she is going. I would rather her stay here; I feel better if she is here with me. But her daddy especially feels she needs to go; so I will manage ok. I will have help 3 hrs. both Thurs. and Fri. that she is gone. I always worry about her; but have to trust the Lord to take care of her. I don't think I could ever live without Missie. I lean on her, probably too much; but I feel so much better when I have her here to help me. Anyhow, it will be so good for her to go. She is looking forward to being with the Olivers and their children.

That is my update for today.

Good day!

Well, overall today has been a good day. Jr. and Missie put up the wallpaper border in Preston's room. Then I put up his pet net and it is overflowing with stuffed animals. He won't let me get rid of them. I was able to get rid of some a while back. But he really needs 2 pet nets to hold them all. I will take pictures of his room and post some on here. It looks very nice with the blue walls, sea life wallpaper border, then wall stickers to match the border. Also, when I was up in Canada I found ceramic fish, turtle, seahorse, etc. for 25 cents each or less and bought them. I am pleased with his room. He likes it too.

Preston went outside and sat on his swing today on our porch. We moved it back up to the porch so it would be closer for him to sit on it and swing. It makes it crowded but that is ok. He put his hat and sunglasses on and sat outside for a while. I was glad for him to get some fresh air and sunshine.

I was thinking while folding clothes about my feelings of fatigue that I have, from the last 19 years, since Preston has been born and has had so many problems, then it came to me: there are some things Jr. and I will never have to face with our son, that many others have had to face. He will never go to war; he will never drink, smoke or take drugs; he will never be sexually immoral; he will never know the depths of a sinful life and that is such a HUGE blessing. No, he will never graduate from high school or college; he will never have a job probably; but what is more important? We know that he will make it to Heaven and that is worth it all. It is worth it all to go through the sorrows of a sick child to know he will never go to Hell. That just thrills my heart. While other parents have bleeding hearts for their lost children (in sin); Jr. and I have bleeding hearts because Preston isn't normal and we have had to watch him suffer. No one wants to see their children suffer. But I am so thankful for the things he will never do. I only hope and pray Missie will never experience the sinful life too. That is why it is so important to get her in a Holiness school. She goes into 9th grade next year; that is hard to believe. I don't care if we don't have a lot, just to get her a holiness education and see her totally rooted and grounded in the Lord is our greatest desire.

Many are worried about my physical health with caring for Preston, but we all work together as a family. Missie is right there to help me when Jr. is at work. When Jr. is home, he does most of it. So although there are some hard times for me since I have this arthritis and fibromyalgia, we plan to care for him as long as we can. We realize we might not always be able too. But he is improving and using the cane with the legs is helping. Jr. and I washed his hair and gave him a shower today. He gets one good shower a week, and bed baths during the week.

Friday is Mildred's last day; we will greatly miss her. She sweeps, does dishes, take clothes out of dryer and folds them all, and puts away what goes in kitchen and bathroom; she loves to be busy. It helps lighten my load a lot! I am sorry she has to go right now. Preston will miss her too.

Please just prayer that Hannah will be able to start sooner than the middle of December!

G-tube is out!

Well, we made it to the dr. and back. The nurse, Karen numbed the area on the outside, then told Preston it would hurt like someone punched him and knocked the wind out of him. She yanked a couple of times and out it came. He complained for a few minutes about the pain, but then she had him smiling and told him she loved him. He said he loved her too. I hugged her and thanked her for being so nice and all. We won't have to go back there again if it closes up ok. He has a bandage over it, and we have to change the bandages a few times over the next few days, but within 48 hr. it should start closing up. Right now food and liquids are leaking out some. I am glad it is over. Now if it will close up, we will be fine.

Our transporters were a husband/wife team with Med Shore and they are real sweet. They are not supposed to stop anywhere with a patient in, but Preston wanted McDonald's breakfast so they stopped and let me go in and get it. So that was sweet of them. We have had them before. We will miss all the Med Shore people when we no longer need stretcher transport. Until we get a ramp though, we will need it unless they want to take the wheelchair backwards down all 14 steps! That would not be a good idea I don't think.

Well, been doing housework and helping Missie study for a test since I have been back. Not gonna do much else today. I took all my meds. last night and am not aching nearly as bad today, thank the Lord for that! Yesterday it was terrible.

You all have a nice weekend.

It's already Thurs.

This week has flown by. I am in a lot of pain with fibro. and experiencing the chronic fatique with it. My chest pains got a bit better though, and I am thankful for that. But today I have ached all over and just wanted to sleep all day, but that is impossible in my situation!

Anyhow, tomorrow a.m. we go to dr. to have the g-tube removed from Preston's tummy. They just pull it out quickly. I hope it won't hurt too bad; he is kind of afraid it will hurt. Also, he cannot eat in a.m. but he doesn't seem too worried about that.

Seniors Unlimited called tonight for directions to pick Preston up in a wheelchair van to go to his appt. He cannot go in a wheelchair to a van down in our driveway because of our yard. So I had to call medicaid transportation and start all over and finally got it arranged for him to have stretcher transport tomorrow. They even asked me this time how many steps we had! I said we have done this millions of times, I know that was an exaggeration, and we have to go through all of these questions? I had never counted them before so went out and counted them and there are 14! I explained they have to take him clear down into the yard to get him to ambulance. Anyhow, they called Med Shore and they are transporting us tomorrow; thank goodness. We have to be ready at 9:15 so that means I have to get up early. If I am sick with a fibro flair, it is hard on me to get up early, but am taking ALL of my prescription meds. tonight and hopefully I will feel much better in a.m.

Pray that all will go smoothly with the g-tube removal! They said the hole usually closes up itself, but if not, then they have to close it up. Preston doesn't usually follow any medical rules so I don't really know what to expect.

We got Preston a cane with 4 little legs on it at Walmart and it is helping his walking tremendously! He can lean on it, rather than me, or Jr. He actually walked the length of his desk last night and turned around and sat on his bed without any help. So he is getting stronger.

Hannah has been accepted in the program to be a companion and caregiver for Preston and has her ID number and we are waiting on a home visit with a nurse, Hannah, and us. They say it will be in Dec. probably. We are number 18 on a waiting list of 120. Maybe it will be sooner than that, I hope!

Gotta get to bed soon.

What are the 7 wonders of this present world?

Well, what is your answer to this question? What are the 7 wonders of this present world? Here is my answer:

To see
To hear
To touch
To feel (emotions)
To laugh
To love

and THE GREATEST OF ALL, IS THAT JESUS GAVE HIM LIFE FOR US!

I watched our son lay in a hospital bed when he had lost his ability to see, eat, talk, walk, use the bathroom, and was as helpless as a baby. Now to hear him talk, laugh, watch him eat and be able to see again, those are the great wonders of our present world! It scared me so bad the first day I realized he couldn't see. I thought the infection had caused him to go blind. He couldn't tell us what pain he was suffering, because he couldn't talk. To see him do these things all again is greater than any wonder of the world that you might could visit.

To hear our daughter laugh and feel her arms around us, is a wonder; because all of the things Preston could never do in life; she can do, and it has been a blessing to watch her excel. To watch her be part child and part teenager is quite a wonder! She is 13 and that is a hard age. The acne, the way of women that has already started for her, her like for boys (oh no, what are we in for??) these prove she is a normal young lady. So we have the joys of a special needs child and the joys of a very intelligent child. Both are precious in the eyes of the Lord and in our eyes as well.

So if you can't remember the 7 wonders, look around you; you will quickly find 7 and more wonders of the world.

Yes, we all have problems, but we all have wonders too; many more than 7.

Sunday p.m.

Well, I am ready for bed, but wanted to do a quick update.
We all made it to church tonight. No one has been going on Sun. a.m. because right now with the way I am feeling, I cannot do 2 services in one day, and I cannot stay here alone with Preston to get him up for bathroom etc. Jr. takes this over for me on Sat. and Sunday to give my body a rest. During the week, Missie helps me do it. I am scared to do it alone, because the last time I tried he and I both almost fell, and if he falls on the floor and I am here alone, I cannot get him up. So for the present, we are just getting to church on Sunday p.m. But we are glad for that. I was in so much pain during the service as I had carried a small pocket book and my meds. were in my big pocket book at home. At the end of the service, I was able to get 3 tylenol from Susan and it eased the pain some for me. We were able to go to the fellowship hall, and eat and visit some.

I am concerned about Missie's attending the youth challenge, because Jr. has to work and I am not sure I can handle Preston alone Thurs. and Fri. while Missie is gone. But I don't want to deprive her of going; but I feel kind of scared thinking of not having her here to help me. She said she will stay home to help me with Preston. That is so sweet of her. I will have the aide 3 hrs. on Thurs. and Fri., but he will have to get up for the bathroom before she comes I am sure. We will see what works out.

Preston goes Fri. to have his g-tube removed and I hope that goes well.

I am off to bed.

Ready for bed

Yes, I am at the age that I am ready for bed by 9 p.m. So sad!
I feel good usually when I wake up in a.m. but by afternoon my chest starts hurting and I have shortness of breath. It is not my heart, because before Preston's last illness I went to a cardiologist and he couldn't find anything wrong with my heart. It is fatigue and nerves, I know. I guess I am destined to be tired the rest of my life!

Preston had a pretty good day today. His walking is NOT improving at all, which makes it harder on us, because we have to get him up and down to use the bathroom, and sit in his chair etc. Junior doesn't have a problem with doing it; but I do, and Missie has gotten so she won't let me do it alone. Today we only had to get him up once since the aide was here this a.m. and then Jr. was here this evening.

Missie went to Laura's today and made a pillow. She was so excited, as that is the first thing she has ever sewn on the sewing machine! I appreciate Judy with her very busy schedule too, taking time to have Missie over to be with Laura a couple of hrs. and work on home ec. together. It means a lot to us!

Haven't heard a word from Columbia yet on the status of Hannah's papers. Oh me, the government is so slow except when you owe them money, ha, and I am so glad we don't owe them any!!!

Last night I was talking to a lady from church and she told me that every service while Preston was in the hospital that she was there, that we were lifted up in prayer. That was so nice to hear from someone, even though we knew it had been that way. Knowing we are loved and prayed for makes a big difference in our lives.

I just ask your prayers for me especially that God will touch me. I need a physical and mental touch from the Lord to keep going.

Thanks for everything!

In the Presence of Jehovah

"In and out of situations, the tug of war had me.
All day long I struggled, for answers that I need.
Then I come into his presence and all my questions become clear.
And for that sacred moment, all doubts have disappeared.

In the presence of Jehovah, God almighty, King of Kings.
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended.
In the Presence of the King."

This song has been going over and over in my mind. Rachel Carlson Isbell used to sing it at our church where we pastored in Savannah, TN. I heard it recently on a tape. Anyhow, His presence does make a difference. I feel so weary even in the spiritual sense, and only God can renew me.

Well, not many parents I know count the number of times their child urinates in a 24 hr. period, but this momma does. Sunday and Monday it was only once in 24 hrs. Today it was 3 times, and I praise the Lord. Preston had a better day today. He did take a nap this afternoon, but not as long, and was up and more alert today. But he has had tremors in both legs and he and I almost went down getting him to the bathroom. Not sure why the tremors have increased and the sleepiness, unless his shunt needs adjusting or something. The problem is, the neurosurgeon doesn't seem to know much about the neurological storms which is what causes the tremors. I guess we have to have a neurologist and the one Preston had in hospital was one we had had years back, and we know him, but he cannot take him on a regular basis because he is over 18. So! If this keeps up, I will have to ask the neurosurgeon to refer us to a neurologist. I just take one day at a time. He has been so sweet and patient this week. I love him so much; my firstborn, and only son, but I hate to keep seeing him suffer day after day, and struggling to do what is so easy for the rest of us to do. But God has left him here for a purpose. We will do our best for him as long as he is here.

Missie and I went to JC Park to meet Kelly and her children to play, and when we got there, they were not there, which we thought strange. So we called and found out that Brooke got her little hand slammed in the car of their vehicle and Kelly took her to ER to make sure it wasn't broken. Well, I ran by hospital and visited with them for a little while, and Missie and I went by a thrift store. We still had our 3 hrs. away, but we missed not being with friends. We are planning this again next week, and hoping it works out.

Our aide is done working with us on Oct. 26th, and I cannot get ahold of Columbia to see if they got Hannah's paperwork. I pray it works out for Hannah to be here by the time that Mildred is done. I cannot do it all alone. Even the 9 hrs./week that Mildred comes helps me so much. She goes ahead and finishes washing and drying the clothes and folds them and puts a lot of them away. She bathes and fixes breakfast for Preston, and washes dishes, sweeps floor, etc. I will miss her. She is very sweet. When I got home today, she was reading our SS quarterly! I was glad to see that. It might be her only exposure to holiness teaching.

I am very achy today; have ached quite badly all day, not sure why, so tonight is definately an "arthrotec" night (that is expensive meds. that I only take when I absolutely need it because even with insurance it is $50/bottle. But when I have bad flair ups like this, I take it and the next a.m. I usually feel more pain free.

Wanted to update everyone. Please continue to pray for us all.

Strange day

It has been a strange day. Preston slept until almost 10:30, then I got him up and fed him breakfast, he went pee-pee and I gave him a bath, and he watched a little bit of a dvd and said he was so sleepy. He went back to sleep and it was hard to get him awake this afternoon. We finally did when Junior got home, and he sat up in his chair while I got supper. He ate some supper, but was unable to pee-pee any more today. It worries me, but he tries other times and cannot go. He drank more today, but I may have to give him some in G-tube and see if that increases his need to urinate. I was thinking we might have to call the neurosurgeon about his sleeping so much. We will see how tomorrow goes.

I am headed to bed. Missie and I are going to Pickens in a.m. to the park; she is looking forward to that, and meeting another homeschool family from our church so kids can play together. So I will have to get up earlier. Preston is getting so he doesn't want me to leave him; he used to be like this before he had this last illness. But I have to take Missie places to help her. I love staying home, but she has to be with people sometimes, and I want this year to be special as this is our last year to homeschool.

Until next time.

Exhausted again.

I am so exhausted. I told Gail at church tonight I feel so empty and tired. She gave me a hug and cried with me and that was comforting. She has sick grandbabies and has lost a grandbaby and that makes a difference. You never know until you walk in someone's shoes, how it really is.
Preston has been a bit cranky this week and that has been so discouraging. He has shown some anger and that is new for him since his illness. But overall he is still a much nicer personality than he was. He is also back in his own room instead of in the living room and is very happy about that. He can watch his dvds and not be surrounded by noise like he was out here.
He went to church tonight and sat up afterwards and ate when we came home. He was very tired though and glad to lay down.
He is having problems urinating again. He is only urinating about once every 24 hrs. If he cannot urinate in a.m. then he has to be cathed. I pray he will because the cathing if hard for me to do sometimes, and it makes him very sore for a while. I am trying to push fluids more so he will go more. He won't use a urinal or a bedside commode, so we have to walk him to the bathroom and back. I have to get behind him and wrap my arms around him and walk him to bathroom. He is so staggery and off balance. It is hard on my body, but changing diapers was too, and they were so hot for him and irritating.
All of Hannah's papers that she filled out got lost and they had to resend and she has filled them out again and mailed them to Columbia. It will help me if I can have more help than 9 hrs/week. I need more help; and Hannah will be here to take care of him. Please pray that it works out soon for her to come.
So you have read my downhearted post tonight, and I hope to get a good night's rest and feel much better in a.m.

Another day, another dollar spent!

Today has been a good day. Preston did not wet himself once all day. We are so proud of him. His check came in the mail today, his SSI, and we had promised him to take him to Easley to the Huddle, to eat. He loves their lemonade and likes to eat there. So Jr. came home, and we left and went to bank, then to make Preston's computer payment, and out to eat. We decided to go to Dollar Tree and he had such a good time. He was not nervous like he would have been before this illness, and we pushed him in his wheelchair, and he had so much fun picking out stuff he wanted. He got a couple of toys, and then he found some cookies, Little Debbie cakes, candy bars, drinks, etc. that he wanted. It was such a joy to see him so relaxed and happy, and enjoying himself. Then to top it off, one of his special friends from church was in there too. And he had his dog with him in his car and Preston got to see Blackie. So when Jr. was loading Preston into the car, Preston told Jr. he wanted to go to Walmart. But Jr. and I didn't want to go to Walmart, and he was fine with that. His left leg was having tremors in Dollar Tree, so I figured he was getting tired, and mommy and daddy were! Oh to be 10 years younger!!! Everything like this makes me soooo tired. If I have to go anywhere in any given day, it wears me out. Maybe I will be like this forever??? Only God knows, I guess.

I can honestly see the hand of God in Preston's illness. He is not the same boy he used to be. We think the malfunctioning shunt and that tubing embedded in his brain had been bothering him for quite some time. I questioned it for a long time; especially when we were in the hospital, and I honestly hope he is never that ill again, but I can see where things are much different. Although our lives are harder in some respects, we had had a break in other areas. It could have happened without Preston having had the shunt infection and having to learn how to do everything all over again, but God worked it this way. We may never understand all of the reasons.

Missie was so exhausted from her weekend, that she didn't get dressed all day, and she stayed home while we took Preston to town. She cannot handle missing much rest and when she is away from home she doesn't get enough rest.
She is very excited about going to the youth challenge in IN. Her friend where she spent the weekend wants to go too; so I am hoping that works out. She is a sweet girl and I guess she is really Missie's best friend. She lives in Six Mile and attends a holiness church (pentecostal) and has many of the same standards we do.

So that is the good news for today!