Friday update

Thank God it is Friday. That means I sleep at home tonight and get a good night's rest.

I didn't sleep much last night. Preston was gagging, and throwing up green stuff through his NG tube, and trembling so bad. Today I told the nurse and his daddy and I wanted the NG tube pulled out as it was not in use, and he already had a much smaller tube for feeding and meds. They kind of argued about it but I told them it was our decision. So they pulled it out but when they did, the one he needed came partially out too. So! He was still gagging and I was suctioning him out and saw the yellow tube across the back of his mouth. So I asked the nurse and she said it wasn't supposed to be there and it probably came out when she pulled the larger one out. Don't you think she should have checked to see if that happened??? We think she should have! Anyhow, I reached in there because she wasn't in a hurry to help me, and pulled it to the front of his mouth to keep him from gagging so bad. So we ended it up having it pulled out too. We are leaving it out until in the a.m. Jr. felt he had been through enough today. Jr. will have had it put back in before I get there tomorrow. I cannot take much more. My nerves are about shot and they are going to start a PIC line so he will have a more permanent IV and not have to get stuck so much, but it will be traumatic for him, as they don't want to fully sedate him because of his recent breathing problems. Junior just called me and they are doing it first thing in the a.m. They may have to go deep into his arm. Sometimes I feel so helpless. I don't know which way to turn. He has gradually gotten worse since he has been in there.

Yesterday he was awake more and even smiled and grunted at people when they talked to him. But he threw up a lot yesterday and then during night and this a.m., but none since the NG tube has been out. After they got it out he took a good long nap, I know he was worn out too.

Please keep praying. We need God's help like never before; Preston especially. He cannot tell me where he hurts, or what he wants, and that is so hard. I have to guess as to what is bothering him.

I don't understand everything that has happened. I think it is ok not to understand. It is not ok to let bitterness grow over it all. What few things Preston did enjoy in this life, he has been robbed of them all at this point. It will be a long road back for him; if the Lord spares his life. It is so heartbreaking to watch your child suffer and not be able to fix it and make it all better. Only God can give the strength we need to make it through this; and I only wish I had talked more thoroughly with Preston about something like this, than I did. But I am not sure how much he would have understood about it all. I only want him to be able to walk, talk, eat, etc. like he did before he went into the hospital.

Please continue to pray for us.